Endless BS thread

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.
He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”
The doctor replies, “A Ferrari. It cost half a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!” states the doctor proudly.
The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”
“No problem,” replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right, but I’ll stick with my moped!”
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror – what it could be…and suddenly..
WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the doctor asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped!
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!
He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way to 250 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man whispers, “Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems.
Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it.
I’m scared.
I think I’m going crazy.
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I’ll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.
"Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!"

Good one FBP [cl

New governor here in AZ and someone is standing up to politicians and developers who want to see Phoenix become the new LA. Easy to pour endless slabs on the flat valley floor but this is a desert and water resources are finite.

I seen a special on suburbs getting water supplies shut off because of the low water table.
Issue is, it's only gonna get worse with people building there, lack of rain fall and
the mighty Colorado can only produce so much.
At one time the Colorado emptied into the Pacific now it stops around 90 miles inland because, of all the people taking the water upstream.

We'll have to lasso an ice asteroid and pull it to earth.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor of you?"
"Of course child. What can I do for you?"
"I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened, but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly hide it under your robes for me?""I would love to help you my dear; but, I must warn you, I will not lie!""With your honest face, Father, I'm sure no one will question you!"When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?""From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist down to the floor?""I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next, please!"

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order. He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is an auto parts store?'
'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... Are 2 slices of crisp bacon!
'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'
I LOVE THIS ONE.........
'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.

[cl[cl[cl

I love this. Jim

[cl[cl Good One!

Let's make sure this BS never ends![cl

Too close to home...

HAHAHAHA!! Jim

so... what the heck does " the car is stanced " mean...? Is it just me or is that a really weird statement [S

I see this mostly combined with pictures of cars which are impossible to drive?

dutch said:

so... what the heck does " the car is stanced " mean...? Is it just me or is that a really weird statement [S

I see this mostly combined with pictures of cars which are impossible to drive?

Click to expand...

It is a term used by tuner car guys here. It is dumb hahahah