before the trouble starts

[billy]

A man goes into a bar and says, "QUICK Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, "HURRY! Give me another drink before the trouble starts." He downs that one and says ALRIGHT, give me one more drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender sez
that'll be $14.50
the guy sez
oops
thats the trouble.....

 

[26Troadster]

[cl[cl

 

[billy]

A fellow walks into a pub near Buckingham Palace in London, sits down, and says, "Give me a beer. I've had a rough day at work." And the bartender says, "Oh? What do you do?" The guy says, "I take care of the corgis--you know, the dogs the royal family owns." The bartender asks, "Tough job, huh? The guy says, "Yeah. All that inbreeding has led to low intelligence and bad temperaments. And the dogs aren't too smart, either."

 

[maverickmk]

Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.

“What’s up Dave?” asked the bartender. It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.”

“It’s my four year old son,” the man replied.

“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age” said the bartender, sympathetically.

“I only wish it was that,” continued the customer“ but it’s far worse than that.

The little ******* has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbor pregnant.”

“Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the bartender!

“It’s not,” said the man.

"The little bugger stuck a pin in all my condoms.”

 

[Torch]

Horse walks into the bar...Bartender say's "why the long face"

A Neutron walks into the bar and asks the bartender How much for a beer?
bartender says "No charge for you"

Do you know... how I know... that Photons are not Catholic?
they don't have mass

And My favorite ( My nephew got me on this one)

Marcus-"want to play a knock knock joke"
Me-"sure"
Marcus-"okay you go first"
Me-"Alright...Knock knock"
Marcus- "who's there"
Me-"uhhhh.....uh.. I don't know....DERP!"
Marcus-"Bwwwwwaaaaaaha ha ha ha haha"

 

[sgtpontiac]

Penquin driving down the road his car starts to smoke...pulls into a garage and the tech tells him he'll check it out....
Penquin says "is there somewhere I can get something cold?"
Tech says "theres a dairy queen down the street"
Penquin leaves.....
after a short time the Penquin returns to the shop and asks the Tech "well, what did ya find?"
Tech says "looks like you blew a seal"....
Penquin says "naw..it's just a little ice cream"....

 

[RoddingRon]

Two antennas met on a roof top and fell in love. They decided to get married...the wedding wasn't much but boy you should have seen the reception.

Two blondes walked in to a bar...you'd think one of them would have seen it

A dyslexic walked in to a bra