Endless BS thread
- Thread starter Bonehead
- Start date
Help Support Rat Rods Rule:
billy
Motor mouth ratchet jaw!
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever, so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever, so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
53 stickfigure
Well-known member
I needed a good laugh today. Thank you
billy
Motor mouth ratchet jaw!
In the Queens navy
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding and the shoes got increasingly tight as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!"
Her ever obedient Prince tugged on her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge. "Harder!" urged Camilla. "Harder!" Charles replied, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!" "Come on then! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, Elizabeth said to Phillip, "See? I told you that, with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Good Lord, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Phillip turned to Elizabeth and said,
"That's my boy. Once a Navy man...... always a Navy man!"
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding and the shoes got increasingly tight as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!"
Her ever obedient Prince tugged on her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge. "Harder!" urged Camilla. "Harder!" Charles replied, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!" "Come on then! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, Elizabeth said to Phillip, "See? I told you that, with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Good Lord, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Phillip turned to Elizabeth and said,
"That's my boy. Once a Navy man...... always a Navy man!"
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
MISSING WIFE
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She's in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with a 6.4 Liter Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck.
.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She's in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with a 6.4 Liter Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck.
.
CR55
It's just a little surface rust!
[cl[cl[cl
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
good chuckles guys, thanks 
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Oreillys has these back in stock. Will need to specify automatic or standard.
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Having one of those days. Started off with bad fan motor for welder, found one online for $10 cheaper than anyone else with free shipping on orders over $30. Ordered it, got confirmation e-mail says small order fee of $10 kind of a rip off. Next I can't find head gasket for sawmill I'm working on. Look everywhere. Last resort checked in the bottom of wood furnace. Box must have been put in pile of stuff to light furnace with. Reordered it. Closed pocket knife on own finger and cut the tip off of it. checked discharging problem on skidsteer that I picked up for a friend yesterday, needs an alternator. If every thing I touch goes this way I'm afraid to go pee.
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
It's called being out of sync Kenny. Hope you get back in soon.
Thanks. It's got to get better.
[. Closed pocket knife on own finger and cut the tip off of it. checked discharging problem on skidsteer that I picked up for a friend yesterday, needs an alternator. If every thing I touch goes this way I'm afraid to go pee.[/QUOTE]
best you put that pocket knife away before you pee then !!! [ddd
best you put that pocket knife away before you pee then !!! [ddd
Willowbilly3
A *real* tin magnet
I need to have you sharpen my pocket knife
Better day today. Thanks for the comments.
billy
Motor mouth ratchet jaw!
IN THE QUEENS NAVY WE SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS*
*with a crow bar....
*with a crow bar....
