scary movie review

[billy]

HIGH PLAINS HORROR
ok boys and ghouls
todays treat-o-wierdness is an unknown gem called HELLS GROUND (2007)
the first thing i should mention is that this is the first pakistani horror film.
heres the franks n beans
After lying to their parents and running off to see a rock concert, five teenagers leave their suburb neighborhood of Islamabad and travel into the wild only to have their van break down and they get set upon by not only flesh eating zombies, but a ghoulish hitchhiker, and a blood-soaked, burqa-wearing killer.
ok now then
i dunno if you guys are familiar with indian movies
but bollywood is an alternate universe.
some of the teenagers speak english with a fake swedish accent.
as usual with films that are from a violently different culture according to us western viewers.
some of the everyday stuff the actors do seems nonsensical.
apparently is is an everyday occurance to be accosted by ladyboys at redlights while going to the store for instance.
no nudity
plenty of a spiked ball and chain whacking heads action.
creepy mutants
spooky sorcery/curses/haunted woods type stuff
if you have ever wondered what a brahmin holy man zombie looks like
look no further.
the women have stunning eyes (does every woman in this country have beautiful eyes?)
the music is enough to mutate ANYBODY.
the special effects are exactly what we would expect from pakistan (gruesome and cheesy)
yer ole pal unclebill sez check it out.
remember kids
i watch em sober. so you dont have to...

 

[bob w]

Billy, I get the sense that your review, which is very entertaining in itself, is better than the movie.

Have you considered a career as a film critic?[cl

 

[Ezheimers]

Think I'll Pass On This One.....

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

Did Torchmann make a cameo appearance?
.

 

[fuzz]

Did Torchmann make a cameo appearance?
.

ROFLMAO...Dr Crank, you crack me up!!!

 

[Torch]

Of course I was

 

[Torch]

I just watched a brand new 80's sci-horrer flick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3i8ghc__e4

There's this research facility setup by the good doctor to experiment with drugs and energies to bring happiness but the benefactor funding the facility could be alien, could be demonic... we don't meet it we only hear it's voice when it makes a call to the bad doctor to check up on progress. This hints as some ulterior motives other than just making ya feel good.
the research has stopped with the illness of the good doctor leaving the bad doctor in charge of the facility. He spends all his time with one patient who he is infatuated with (no there are no ****ies).
The good doctor had put the bad doctor and the patient both through the same process but with different results.
They both have psychic abilities but the similarities end there.
This movie is long, slow, and weird but it's still a trip.
there is an awful lot the director could have built on to make the movie more detailed but I kind of enjoyed the subtlety to it and having to figure it out for myself.
Some people said the ending sucked.. It was rather abrupt and the whole feel of it was the opposite of the movie. I suspect it was supposed to be that way>
if you like spacey head trip "lets get high and put a record on" 80's synthesizer music you will dig the musical score.

You might have to take a trip to Colorado to get the most out of this one

 

[offroadrolls]

Billys movierreview

reminds me of a Joe Bob Briggs movie review. Here's an excerpt of one of his reviews from the movie "Repossessed" ;

"Four breasts. Chunk spewing. Poodle dog ground up in a tree-branch compactor. Fire-breathing. One motor vehicle chase. 745 sight gags. Evian holy water. Gratuitous rap song. Gratuitous Wally George. Gratuitous Jack Lalanne. A 54 on the Vomit Meter. Split pea soup Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Anthony Starke, as the Catholic priest who motivates himself by reading "Believe in Yourself, by Charles Manson"; Bob Logan, the same writer and director who made that timeless video classic "Up Your Alley," for having the courage to put an Oliver North joke in a 1990 movie; Leslie Nielsen, as Father Mayii, for saying "Luke, remember, when you fall on your face you're still moving forward"; and, of course, Linda Blaire, for caking on the cracked-skin makeup, ratting her hair, puckering up again after all these years, turning herself into a giant ice-cream cone and screaming "Lick me! Lick me!" What an actress.

 

[donsrods]

I remember the first horror movie I ever saw. I was about 12 and it was the original "The Thing" with James Arness as the alien. It was on Chiller Theater and I stayed up late downstairs to watch it, and when it was over I was afraid to leave the couch. I yelled for my Grandmother to come and get me. She came half way down the stairs and said "Come on you big sissy, get up here !"

THAT was one scary movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5xcVxkTZzM

Don

 

[Torch]

I do remember Joe Bob Briggs. that was back in the cable days of elvira and mystery science theater.

 

[donsrods]

My Son Don just bought a set of Mystery Science Movies and we sat at the shop a few nights and watched them. When it was originally on TV we loved that show and it was just as funny now. The movies were less than B movies but the commentary by the robots and the guy were hillarious. [cl

Don