Well wanted to let you all know....

[sgtpontiac]

Yeah.....no easy being a cop's kid....

I've had the discussion with all my kids growing up about it being different when your dad's a cop.....luckily, I was never the "robo cop" type and most of the kids around knew me and respected me even if they didn't like cops in general... my kids never really had much of an issue from my being a cop....thank God....My daughter had to deal with things in the first 41/2 years of her life that kids should never have to go thru.....not that it is an excuse for what she choose to do......wish you could have seen her when she came to us as a foster child....dehydrated, malnurished, hair like straw and thin as a rail.....she was with us the first time for 1 1/2 years before birth mom was allowed to get her back.....I remember her eyes when she left the house....still makes me sad..2 months later, we got the call that she was back in foster care and would we take her in....heck yeah!! We drove down to CPS and picked her up...she was so happy when she saw us....jumped into my arms and wouldn't let go....said to me "Dad, please..I don't ever want to go back there again"..a year later they terminated parental rights and we adopted her 4 months later......can't even begin to tell you how many counselors, speacial ed and psycologists we worked with to help her get past some issues....abuse, neglect, abandonment, you name it, this girl even had to witness her mother prostituting herself....not to mention the fetal alcohol syndrome. We had tutors for her nearly all the time from 6th grade into high school trying to help her....She could be a model.....she's a beautiful girl.....Sorry, I ramble.....Just Love my daughter and hate where she is in her life.....apologize for the long post....

 

[skull]

none

no apology necessary;

l know what it is like to have child with issues in life, Jimmy had ADHD with an anger problem. we worked getting help on it for many years and with a lot of counseling and a lot of love, it helped him to be a better person.

you're in my thoughts sarge, l really hope this will work out OK.

Later

 

[CR55]

No need for any apologies. We're here for ya.....ramble on...sounds like you and your wife went above and beyond....it takes special people to foster and adopt. My hats off to both of you.....cr

 

[maverickmk]

I don't really have much more to offer that hasn't already been said, except we are here for you. If you need anything at all let any of us know. I'll do whatever I can, and will certainly be praying for you.
Best of luck my friend.

 

[Dirtyrat]

I'm sorry for all you are going through, I imagine there is a tough lesson here she needed to learn...

Hopefully she will make better decisions from now on...

 

[sgtpontiac]

You know.....

I was just sitting here thinking about the other post "why the RRR" and had to chuckle..... if you would have asked me 10 years ago if i would be communicating with a bunch of guys via the internet that I've never met, I would have told you "are you nutz?"...

Now here I am telling a bunch of guys that I've never met, things in my life that I'd probably wouldn't have shared with anyone....... the fact is, I've been communicating with guys I've never met but feel like I know better than some of my "close" friends.....funny.... sure glad I found the site and don't think I could find a better group of people.....Thanks.....wish I could meet you all...Thanks to the Mod and all the people responsible for the RRR...been a great ride so far.....

 

[earthman]

...Thanks to the Mod and all the people responsible for the RRR...been a great ride so far.....

Well we could try to start another thread about why Rat Rods Rule rules but we all know what happened the last time we tried that. ...

 

[Sam_Fear]

Well we could try to start another thread about why Rat Rods Rule rules but we all know what happened the last time we tried that. ...

Yeah.... I'll never make that mistake again.

 

[Z.Z.Rat]

Hey Sarge, Been reading & getting up on this thread. So sorry to hear what you as a family are going thru. Some very heart felt comments from a very,very great bunch of guys. Like you after communicating with folks here you can feel a bond.

Wish you the best!

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

I'm surprised to be here and speaking to topics like this as well, but I see this place as something quite unique...

It's a party, therapy, a sounding board, and a car forum....with cats! What's not to like?

Well, maybe the cats don't work for everybody. Hows about a cat from Detroit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW8S58CYQqs

Keep your head up Sarge, and you're not nutz. Not anymore than the rest of us.... Where's Torchmann? Whose elephant is this? You like my new shooz? My favorite color is bloo......gotta run, the short bus is here.

 

[offroadrolls]

I was just sitting here thinking about the other post "why the RRR" and had to chuckle..... if you would have asked me 10 years ago if i would be communicating with a bunch of guys via the internet that I've never met, I would have told you "are you nutz?"...

Now here I am telling a bunch of guys that I've never met, things in my life that I'd probably wouldn't have shared with anyone....... the fact is, I've been communicating with guys I've never met but feel like I know better than some of my "close" friends.....funny.... sure glad I found the site and don't think I could find a better group of people.....Thanks.....wish I could meet you all...Thanks to the Mod and all the people responsible for the RRR...been a great ride so far.....

Hey Sarge, Been reading your thread here and all the replies. You're a lucky guy to have all these great friends @ RRR for sure, but your daughters even luckier to have you and Mrs. Sarge for parents. As I was reading about your daughters rough life when she was small, it reminded me of some stuff I learned years ago. There's a group of psychologist that profess a lack of "bonding" at infancy with ones biological mother can cause behavioral problems. The movie "Good Will Hunting" was based on it. Also, a customer of mine back in the 80's wrote a book about it called "High Risk; Children Without a Conscience" (by Dr. Ken Magid and Carole A. McKelvey). It deals with psychological factors involved in criminal behavior, specifically attachment problems between children and their parents in early childhood, and the link to later psychopathy/APD (Antisocial Personality Disorder). The good news is, according to Ken there are several degrees to APD. Anyway, I think sometimes all you need to get out of the hole you dug is to figure out why you dug the hole in the first place. Last, if you find the lack of bonding with her biological mother as an infant to be the root of your daughters issues, rest assured she would have been far worse if you and Mrs.Sarge had not intervened and been such great parents for her.

 

[ssimpala]

Yep, what they all said ^^^^^....crazy 'aint it? [cl

 

[donsrods]

Sarge, your post outlining the problems you Daughter had in her early years speaks volumes. It looks like she has had to face things in her first few years that no one should ever see in an entire lifetime. I really feel sorry for the abuses that were heaped on her by her birth Mother.

It sounds to me like your Daughter does the things she does to punish herself . The lessons she learned early in her life will be hard, if not impossible, to erase from her completely. But keep trying.

Don

 

[shakey56]

What can I say....

So very, very sorry Sarge. You gave me some good advice recently so I'll give it back.

Look on the positive side....all the things that have been pointed out by the guys on here. We can't see the benefit of what has happened now but God can use circumstances to accomplish things we can't even imagine. My prayers are, of course, with you and your family. Being there no matter what happens is what good parents do and it will make a difference. Hang in, buddy.

Lynn

 

[sgtpontiac]

Much appreciated......believe me....

You do the best you can as parents but nobody at DHS or the foster parent program ever talks about Reactive Attachment disorder, Oppositional definance disorder, or any of the psycological disorders that my daughter has been diagnosed with.... that and you throw in learning disabilities from the Fetal alcohol and ADHD and you have a monumental pile of stuff to deal with... I have to stay positive about it all...I can't and won't give up on her....I have gotten in touch with the warden at the prison she is going to....he is expediting the visitation papers so we may be able to visit a month sooner than normal...(perk of being in LE I guess) He has also suggested a number of programs they offer to young women such as my daughter that focus on "finding out why you dug the hole your in" issue... If she can finally come to grips with her past we can focus on her future.....I don't doubt that she love us as much as we love her....I think she really does need to find the reasons why she does the things she does.....I suspect that there was sexual abuse in her early years but she hasn't told any of the Psycologists or counselors that but given them reason to believe that there was......if birth mom was smokin crack and drinking while selling herself then God only knows what these guys she was with did when she wasn't together....plus leaving her with neighbors for weeks at a time while she's on a binge or cracked up somewhere....yeah, no kid should have to go thru any of that...I've read a number of books on kids with the same "problems" as my daughter.....I knew it wouldn't be easy but never thought it would come to this.....never know what life is going to toss at you....Thanks again guys.....takes a load off when I can vent....keeps me focused on helping the wife thru it.....Gracias amigo's..... nunca sabrás cuánta ayuda que ha sido.

 

[Bamamav]

Hang in there Sarge I've been in your shoes. It ain't easy. We adopted two half brothers, oldest was 2.5 years old when we got him, youngest was 9 months old. Same mother, different fathers. Different as daylight and dark. Before he was killed in a wreck, the youngest was just like me, a total gearhead. Anything mechanical was a challenge to him, and he took it on full speed ahead. Didn't care for book learning, he was hands on. Couldn't hardly work for anybody else, but was more inclined to be his own boss. Always looking for a way to make a buck.

The oldest is a total opposite. Can't use his hands to scratch his ass. Doesn't want to work, wants somebody to give to him all the time {I blame his Grandma for that}. Devilishly smart, can remember names and numbers, whizz on a computer or phone. Got involved in drugs in High School. Got to stealing for his habit, ended up locked up in juvenile at 16. Two years, got out, went back to school, only to get into trouble again. Quit school, left home, we didn't see him for 6 months, didn't know where he was. He showed up one day married to a gal with two kids. We tried to help them get a good start, helped them find a place to live, bought them a cheap car, etc. They ended up living with us for two years, we basically raised the kids. Then, after neither one would work, we told them they had to leave, we couldn't support them any more.
They lived with her sisters for a while, we still saw them every once in a while.

Since both were druggies, they turned to theft to support their habits. He got caught again, she left him, gave the kids to her sister, who eventually adopted them out to another family without our knowledge . Broke our hearts.

After a short time, he was out again, and with the wrong crowd again. He racked up arrests across the state, finely serving 2.5 years, now he's out on probation again. He's gotten with another girl now, and she's pregnant. Oh, she's on probation, too. Good match, huh? As soon as he gets a divorce from his first wife they're supposed to get married.

Most of the rest of the wife's family hates him. Wife's parents and us are the only ones that tolerate him. I give him a few bucks every now and then, but he can't live on our property, or close to us. Oh, I forgot to mention that when he was out before he served the 2.5 years, he stole over $1500 worth of tools and equipment from me. Just the other day, he got our checking account number and got one of those "payday loans" with 30% interest. We'll probably have to change our checking account now, no way of knowing what else he's done.

So Sarge, you see, I've been there. Just hope your girl has more sense than this boy does. Prison time didn't help him a bit.

 

[goose-em]

You can only do so much as a parent and then you have to let them grow their own wings.

My families prayers are with you, your wife and your daughter.

Hate to see this type of thing happen but it does and it is no fun.

Hope you and especially your wife make it through.

Goose

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

I'm surprised to be here and speaking to topics like this as well, but I see this place as something quite unique...

It's a party, therapy, a sounding board, and a car forum....with cats! What's not to like?

Well, maybe the cats don't work for everybody. Hows about a cat from Detroit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW8S58CYQqs

Keep your head up Sarge, and you're not nutz. Not anymore than the rest of us.... Where's Torchmann? Whose elephant is this? You like my new shooz? My favorite color is bloo......gotta run, the short bus is here.

I have to apologize for my post, Sarge. I made a lame attempt to lighten the mood, but this is clearly not a laughing matter.

I will not pretend to know how you feel, nor will I try to offer psychological advice. (Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a real doctor). At any rate Sarge, we stand beside you, hell or high water.

 

[sgtpontiac]

Doc...no offense taken.....no apology necessary....

sometimes you have to see the humor in life....."you can't take the world serious"....wasn't that an old joke??? World Series.....anyway, I appreciate all the support from everyone..... we will get past it and hopefully things will be better....can't live her life for her....truly in the Lords hands....

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

Thanks, Sarge. Upon review, I felt like I farted in church...or something equally inappropriate.

That stupidity aside, what does this mean? "nunca sabrás cuánta ayuda que ha sido."

I can 'cipher some French, but this is Greek to me.