Endless BS thread
- Thread starter Bonehead
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earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Recently a fleet of weather ballons, swamp gases and military flares landed outside of town. Witnesses tweeted that it looked like humanoid creatures had just stopped for a pee break behind the bushes. Unfortunately when the reporters arrived 20 minutes later to interveiw the witnesses they found they had already died of cancer, accidental overdoses of prescription drugs and apparent suicides.
smallfoot
He's rockin' the "Nuttin Special"!
The tale of Ole Blue
A young Arkansan boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll get him in the course."
So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk,
nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.
So she has him shoot the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville, he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be!
_________________
A young Arkansan boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll get him in the course."
So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk,
nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.
So she has him shoot the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville, he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be!
_________________
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
But he didn't inhale that marijuana right?
smallfoot
He's rockin' the "Nuttin Special"!
Depends on the true definition of "inhale"....
smallfoot
He's rockin' the "Nuttin Special"!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend, there was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
True Story:
My good friend (Bill) was recently scheduled for a colonoscopy. When he arrived at the clinic, the nurse asked if he wanted a sedative...
Bill considered it and said, "No, I have to drive myself home... but you can blow in my ear."
.
My good friend (Bill) was recently scheduled for a colonoscopy. When he arrived at the clinic, the nurse asked if he wanted a sedative...
Bill considered it and said, "No, I have to drive myself home... but you can blow in my ear."
.
Went to a small town car show toady. Entered in the 'rat rod' category. Heard a couple of shiny car guys discussing how my car wasn't a real rat rod. Winner of the category was what I'd call a junk magnet clown car. Perceptions have changed in the last 5 years.
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
I have no hang-ups... meaning, I could care less which category anything fits... but, if your Olds isn't a rat rod, I don't know what is...
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bob w
Still crazy after all these years!
I think it has evolved into "He who has the most non-automotive accessories (saw blades, ammunition, pot & pans,etc.) hung on their rat rod wins"
Don't get me wrong, I didn't care. It was well built and safe under all the junk, but the junk was 3 Stooges type stuff. 120v outlet with a trouble light plugged into it and hung over a garden hose hanger - that kind of stuff. I do respect those kinds of 'made for a parade' cars more than the horribly executed build - i.e. model T body bolted to a Monty Carlo frame and call it a rat rod.
It surprised me how the public's perception has changed on patina stuff like most of us build.
It surprised me how the public's perception has changed on patina stuff like most of us build.
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smallfoot
He's rockin' the "Nuttin Special"!
Florida woman stops alligator attack with small Beretta
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire
Testimonial ... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12' alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I wouldn't be here today! Just one shot to my husband's knee cap was all it took ...
The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire
Testimonial ... Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12' alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I wouldn't be here today! Just one shot to my husband's knee cap was all it took ...
The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.
lowbudget50
Creators of all things awesome
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2012
- Messages
- 6,089
Hahahahahahaha!
MercuryMac
Builder Junky!
Sam Fear, I agree with your 'junk magnet' sentiments.
We're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, I do. It's really hard for me to look past that add on, non-automotive, unaesthetic stuff that some guys weld on their creations, and see if the car is well built or not.
My first impressions of a 'craprod' is, its façade is there to stop you from looking at the engineering that went into it.
One of the reasons that I like this forum so much is the engineering that goes into everyone's creations on here.
We're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, I do. It's really hard for me to look past that add on, non-automotive, unaesthetic stuff that some guys weld on their creations, and see if the car is well built or not.
My first impressions of a 'craprod' is, its façade is there to stop you from looking at the engineering that went into it.
One of the reasons that I like this forum so much is the engineering that goes into everyone's creations on here.
smallfoot
He's rockin' the "Nuttin Special"!
But...but...but...Farberware makes such a nice air cleaner...[ddd
