Endless BS thread
- Thread starter Bonehead
- Start date
Help Support Rat Rods Rule:
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
TOOLS EXPLAINED
DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'
DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.
Son of a b*tch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'
DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.
Son of a b*tch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Old Iron
Well-known member
[cl[cl[cl
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
[ddd[ddd
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
Just make a couple of different purchases at a CVS and you will have enough receipt paper to last a week.
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
Eighth day of isolation and it's like Vegas here. We're losing money by the minute, cocktails are acceptable at any hour of the day and nobody knows what time it is.
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
One of my high school teachers told me I would never amount to anything, yet here I am laying on the couch saving the world.
soltz
The Rat Captain
Thanks Guys
Best laugh I've had in weeks. Now I know why I fit right in
Best laugh I've had in weeks. Now I know why I fit right in
OK. Is this just me?
Every time I'm using an extension cord and need to change tools, I unplug and drop the extension cord instead of the plug from the other tool.
EVERY.
FREAKING.
TIME.
So I'm standing there with two plugs and the extension cord is on the ground.
Seriously. Is this my personal heck or do other people do this?
Every time I'm using an extension cord and need to change tools, I unplug and drop the extension cord instead of the plug from the other tool.
EVERY.
FREAKING.
TIME.
So I'm standing there with two plugs and the extension cord is on the ground.
Seriously. Is this my personal heck or do other people do this?
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
You're not alone, Sam.
Kinda related... I have an extension cord with a "safety" end on it. It will not accept a 2 prong plug, it must have three. I have a couple items with two prong plugs, my soldering gun for one... guess which extension cord I try to plug it into, every time?
.
Kinda related... I have an extension cord with a "safety" end on it. It will not accept a 2 prong plug, it must have three. I have a couple items with two prong plugs, my soldering gun for one... guess which extension cord I try to plug it into, every time?
.
DozerII
Well-known member
Nope not alone, can't count how many times I've don e the same. [S
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
Not me. I always know what I'm doing . . . . NOT! Lately I've been having trouble with laying down a tool or a bolt and then like 2 minutes later I cannot find the dad-gum thing. Makes me so mad!!
I'd like to say i'ts age related stupidity but I've been doing it all my life. I did cure some of it. I bought a lot of cordless tools.[ddd
lowbudget50
Creators of all things awesome
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2012
- Messages
- 6,039
I bought a heavy duty cord with 3 plugs on the end. No more unplugging stuff to plug something else in. Now I just trip over all the cords!!!
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
I have five grinders. One of them has a very long cord. The thing I like about it, is the extra long cord. The the thing I hate about it, is the extra long cord.
.
.
bob w
Still crazy after all these years!
I too have extension cord dyslexia. Or however it is spelled. I thought it was a left hander, Pollack thing.
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
Probably doesn't help.
I do some things with my right hand, some things with my left, nothing very well, but I do OK in the dark.
Why is it, when you move a vehicle in any direction, any distance, one wheel always stops square on top of an extension cord or the flippin' air hose?
.
lowbudget50
Creators of all things awesome
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2012
- Messages
- 6,039
I tried to combat this problem by putting airdrops all over the shop along with Outlet every 4 ft. I still run extension cords and air hoses all the way across the shopProbably doesn't help.
I do some things with my right hand, some things with my left, nothing very well, but I do OK in the dark.
Why is it, when you move a vehicle in any direction, any distance, one wheel always stops square on top of an extension cord or the flippin' air hose?
.
