Every married man understands this and most that have had girlfriends longer than a week.
Endless BS thread
- Thread starter Bonehead
- Start date
Help Support Rat Rods Rule:
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma ,Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says,"Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please.
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says,"and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer – it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Scotland,
…..They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half priced
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please.
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says,"and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer – it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Scotland,
…..They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half priced
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Built hundreds of years ago. No cranes, no steel scaffolds not even a tape measure. The workers and possibly the supervisor couldn't even read.
Think about it!
Think about it!
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
[cl[ddd[cl[ddd
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Everyone dressed with class too. Except Red of course. I would like to see decency come back as well FBP.
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Mail box at the gun store?
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Just want to let everyone know what a Fine Job OCPD is doing this week @ Endless Summer Cruisin’ $950 impound fee for a “unsafe” Motor Vehicle. I drove the car 150 miles down here, passed 11 State Troopers and even talked with (2) at a gas stop in Easton,MD and 0 issues with the car. Absolutely highway robbery the Scheme they have going on down here.
20 years supporting Cruisin OC and Enless Summers Cruisin has come to a end and I can only hope many of the car community see this and find another town to Support and spend your hard earned money in!!
It’s not about H20i they don’t want any of the car community in their town and they made that crystal clear.
( This in no way is me bashing the Police. I have nothing but love and respect for ALL but this is just pure nonsense)
again, sorry for the huge pic [S
smallfoot
He's rockin' the "Nuttin Special"!
That sux!
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
not me -- but cool story..
I got pulled over on SH20 for going 7 Kph over the speed limit.
As the officer started walking up to my car, i rolled my windows down .....
My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 4 yr old niece , started screaming from the backseat:
“It’s coming out!!!!!”
“I can’t hold it any longer!!!!!”
“It’s almost here!!!!!!!!!!!”
Now the Police Officer is HEARING her scream this....
and he leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”
She looks him DEAD IN THE FACE
And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”
He started laughing
I looked like I was about to cry
He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 kilometers home. He told me to drive safe and get missy home to do her business.
He could NOT stop laughing
As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about?
This kid, smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work"
I said “So...... You're not pooping?”
She said nope and you're not in trouble either.
OMG
This kid is my hero
I got pulled over on SH20 for going 7 Kph over the speed limit.
As the officer started walking up to my car, i rolled my windows down .....
My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 4 yr old niece , started screaming from the backseat:
“It’s coming out!!!!!”
“I can’t hold it any longer!!!!!”
“It’s almost here!!!!!!!!!!!”
Now the Police Officer is HEARING her scream this....
and he leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”
She looks him DEAD IN THE FACE
And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”
He started laughing
I looked like I was about to cry
He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 kilometers home. He told me to drive safe and get missy home to do her business.
He could NOT stop laughing
As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about?
This kid, smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work"
I said “So...... You're not pooping?”
She said nope and you're not in trouble either.
OMG
This kid is my hero
DozerII
Well-known member
That's ^^^^^funny
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Dr Crankenstein
Rocket Surgeon
bob w
Still crazy after all these years!
I just ordered a part from a company in Paso Robles, CA. Got to visiting with Steve and I mentioned there used to be a big rat rod/traditional car show there. The city closed it down. Steve said the city fathers have nixed almost all the car related activities there. I see some signs of it here too although we still have a very active car culture and for the most part, good support. For years the Minnesota Street Rod Assn. had a paid lobbyist that paid attention to everything hot rod related in the state and local governments. It proved to be vital in creating and maintain a healthy old car culture.
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Some humor
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.
“CASE DISMISSED!!”
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.
“CASE DISMISSED!!”
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
forbigpicture
Please stand by.......
Picture this!
There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he always made it there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how? "No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride." The man says, "Ok!" They take off and the driver yells back, "Just yell beep beep if I’m going too fast." No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eyes widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and they're off! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept: "Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street." "What’s so weird about that?" asks the other cops. The first cop says, "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!"
There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he always made it there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how? "No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride." The man says, "Ok!" They take off and the driver yells back, "Just yell beep beep if I’m going too fast." No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eyes widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and they're off! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept: "Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street." "What’s so weird about that?" asks the other cops. The first cop says, "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!"
