Endless BS thread

Rat Rods Rule

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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
 
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prayer request

well my wife left out this morning, headed to airport to fly out to pheonix where her mother is in the hospital with a asthmatic reaction of some sort...

prayers needed for my wife n her family out there.....


...and for me & kiddos as we deal with life w/o the momma around:eek:
 
Hot Rod Preacher my prayers are for you, your wife and mother in law.
Bob W thanks for the Life of Riley. I have never seen the show.
 
update on my mother-in-law...

doing a lot better, my wife made it out there safely, and got that hospital straightened out in a day...;):D

they have sent m-in-law home this afternoon with oxygen & a machine of some sort to use at night to assist in breathing

thanks for prayers you guys!

and i am planning on sneaking over to my shop tomorrow to work on my 37![ddd
 
Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida . They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."
 
Global Facts About Sex


At Any Given Moment:


FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex – right now!


FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.


FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.


FACT: 1 elderly person is trolling threads.


You hang in there, Sunshine
 
LIVING WILL FORM

I, _____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or by lawyers / doctors / hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______Vodka Rocks ______ Margarita ____ Scotch ______ Bloody Mary ______ Gin and Tonic _______ Tee Time ______Steak ______Lobster or crab legs ______the remote control ______a bowl of ice cream ______a new outfit_____the sports page______Sex ______my cat or dog_____or Chocolate, it should be presumed that I won't ever get any better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to the good times we have had.

Signature:__________________________ Date: _____

NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't even need embalming when their time comes.
 
A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a large dildo flies out and hits the windshield.

To hide her embarrassment the mother turns and says to her young kids, "My, what a big insect!"

To which her little Johnny says, " I'm surprised it could fly with a dick that big."
 
Opened a box Ive had stashed away in my shed. Ends up the box had a bunch of chrome parts I had bought about five or six years ago for a 64C10 I had been putting together back then. Ended up buying all those parts again to complete the interior of the truck. Didnt remember buying the first batch when I was getting the 2nd batch. I gave the truck to my son before moving to New Mexico.Now I know what Im giving him for his next birthday. Man Ive been really forgetfull lately. Probably been like this for awhile, I cant remember .
 

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