Endless BS thread
- Thread starter Bonehead
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earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
A true story, happened in 1892 at Stanford University.
An 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.
They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible.
“No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left”. The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being.
Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think “If I help them, what would happen to me?” The truly great people think, “If I don’t help them, what will happen to them?” They don’t do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it’s the right thing to do.
Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them. Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
The head there was a man called Herbert Hoover — who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of foodgrains to feed the starving Polish people.
A calamity was averted. Paderewski was relieved. He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, “You shouldn’t be thanking me Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of them.”
An 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.
They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible.
“No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left”. The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being.
Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think “If I help them, what would happen to me?” The truly great people think, “If I don’t help them, what will happen to them?” They don’t do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it’s the right thing to do.
Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them. Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
The head there was a man called Herbert Hoover — who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of foodgrains to feed the starving Polish people.
A calamity was averted. Paderewski was relieved. He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, “You shouldn’t be thanking me Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of them.”
CR55
It's just a little surface rust!
Good story Eman...Yep! What goes around, comes around...a little act of kindness never hurt anyone.. I'm probably the only guy around here who stops and helps stranded motorists....Never gonna leave a woman sitting on the side of the road with a flat, no matter how rushed I am!
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Default
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
--------
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
--------
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
--------
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
--------
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
--------
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
--------
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
--------
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
--------
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
--------
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
--------
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
_________
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
--------
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
--------
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ' Keep off the Grass.'
--------
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
--------
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
--------
A backward poet writes inverse.
--------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
--------
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
_____
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
--------
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
--------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam! "
--------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
--------
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive. "
--------
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
--------
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
--------
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
--------
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
--------
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
--------
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
--------
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
--------
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
--------
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
--------
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
--------
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
--------
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
_________
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
--------
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
--------
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ' Keep off the Grass.'
--------
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
--------
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
--------
A backward poet writes inverse.
--------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
--------
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
_____
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
--------
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
--------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam! "
--------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
--------
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive. "
--------
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
--------
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
Oh Eman . . .
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Hey Mav it wasn't me. I copied it off the Canayjun board.
CR55
It's just a little surface rust!
Eman those were great
sgtpontiac
Older, Wiser and Still Buildin'
LMAO!!!!!
So stupid they are funny!!! Thanks for the laugh.....
So stupid they are funny!!! Thanks for the laugh.....
bob w
Still crazy after all these years!
Hate to admit it, Eman but those fit my sense of humor to a "T".
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
A Japanese couple are having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex.
Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!.
Incredible, and there you sit, reading this stuff as if you understand Japanese!
I always knew you would read anything on sex.
Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!.
Incredible, and there you sit, reading this stuff as if you understand Japanese!
I always knew you would read anything on sex.
Sniper
Canadian Rust Bucket
I do........but most of it is spelled wrong!
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
It's spelled phonetically
Sniper
Canadian Rust Bucket
Ah-so
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
Today I was beaten up by a woman.
I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, “Would you please press 1?”
So I did.
I don't remember much afterwards . . . I expect to recover in 2-3 weeks.
I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, “Would you please press 1?”
So I did.
I don't remember much afterwards . . . I expect to recover in 2-3 weeks.
sgtpontiac
Older, Wiser and Still Buildin'
Reminds me of an Aerosmith song....
Love in an Elevator......
Love in an Elevator......
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said "I've not eaten for two days." I told him, "I wish I had your will power."
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best.
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself 'I'm going to take that.'
A congressman in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back 'You're in a basket!'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best.
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself 'I'm going to take that.'
A congressman in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back 'You're in a basket!'
I can't count how often that actually has happened to me.
![safe_image[1].png](https://cdn.imagearchive.com/ratrodsrule/data/attach/90/90789-safe-image-1-.png)
