Endless BS thread

[dutch]

hah... [cl

I think Dumb is the word I was looking for... thanks!
I wonder how "I like the stance of the car" turned into "stancing the car" [S

 

[bob w]

"Cammed" is another one.

 

[forbigpicture]

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I want the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later, the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

 

[kenny c]

[cl[cl[cl[cl

 

[forbigpicture]

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizen's Center. Claude the hypnotist explained to the audience, "I'm here to put you all in a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every one of you." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful, antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want all of you to keep your eyes on this watch. It is a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to gently swing the watch back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, the light gleaming off its polished surface. A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly...the chain broke. It slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor breaking into a hundred pieces. Claude yelled out, "Crap."
It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizen's Center and Claude was never invited back.

 

[Old Iron]

[cl[cl[cl

 

[bob w]

Well, that one deserves three craps, er claps.

 

[soltz]

I must be slow, it took a short while to get it

 

[smallfoot]

Redneck is redneck

no matter what country..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4p-mOf3PFU

 

[dutch]

no matter what country..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4p-mOf3PFU

well, heck... Thanks heaps smallfoot... here`s what I`m currently working on...

 

[lowbudget50]

When I was younger and had more time on my hands a few buddies and I built a two-wheeled wheelbarrow that had a 440cc snowmobile engine in it. Sitting there on its own it looked like a wheelbarrow, then you hooked the chariot to the back of it and the front pulled you along while you stood on the chariot and it pivoted just like a loader to turn. It was the scariest thing I've ever built but it was so much fun. Thanks for sharing

 

[smallfoot]

Dutch, I had something similar for a while. Basically a 2 wheeled sickle bar. Lobud, you shoulda seen some of the shenanigans when they brought out the sporty powered back end pushing a water ski on the forks at the campground...amazingly nobody lost limb or life!

 

[dutch]

haha sounds like fun...
These little tracktors are really versatile machines. 3 speed forward and backward ( you can turn the handlebars so the pto is up front) 2 speed pto, seperate brakes l+r, diff lock.
Mine carries a rotary cultivator but there were plows , snow plows, brooms , winches , potato harvesters and even small pto driven trailers to turn it into a proper 4x4 tractor [cl
Mine is a `57 with a 2-stroke 447cc 1 cyl. diesel engine. Barking out a whopping 6.5 hp.
They do race them in Europa as well...

https://youtu.be/yqpb1FP9qN0

 

[forbigpicture]

Now that's some crazy stuff there, sure looks like fun.....if I was
20 again

Dutch, nice job !!!

 

[offroadrolls]

I went shopping today in Asda and i was behind a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things.
The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”
Another outburst and I heard the granddad calmly say : “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice : “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”
Well, i was really impressed, so i went outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. I said to the Grandad “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad.”
“Thanks,” said the Granddad. “But I am William. The little *******’s name is Kevin.”

 

[anvil]

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.


"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught! me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 

[bob w]

Thanks for posting, anvil. A funny read.

 

[forbigpicture]

 

[dutch]

hahaha

 

[lowbudget50]

Hahahahaha