Endless BS thread

[maverickmk]

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

"What, You coming empty handed?"

 

[maverickmk]

Internal Revenue 'Service'

US Postal 'Service'

Cable TV 'Service'

Civil 'Service'

Federal, State, City, & Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

This is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had bought a bull to 'Service' his cows.

BAM! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

 

[maverickmk]

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a ******* lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a ******* lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

 

[earthman]

Recently got a '51 Ford ex police car that will replace the too modern S10 as my daily all weather ride. So this is how i got it



and then this is the look i will be going for

 

[hotrod preacher]

Recently got a '51 Ford ex police car that will replace the too modern S10 as my daily all weather ride. So this is how i got it



and then this is the look i will be going for

idk- I think you are messing it up changing it up that much E-man! but that is just my opinion... [ddd

 

[maverickmk]

That looks like a lot of work, maybe start with something a little closer to what your looking to end up with - [S
Awesome ride, look forward to some more pics.

 

[Bonehead]

The hardest part of a build is making it come out like you picture it in your minds eye. Good luck.

 

[bob w]

Another trailer queen.

I'd be proud to ride shotgun with ya.

 

[jfg455]

Just take your time Eman. I ruined alot of good doors trying to get the Faux dent just right...[cl

 

[Sam_Fear]

It'll be cool like that, but that's gonna be a lot of work to get it there. Why not leave it as it is? It already looks cool.

 

[Got Rust?]

Seems like a lot of body work to me, PLUS, having to air up the tires.

 

[earthman]

Well i did pop the door dent out with a hammer handle. Already kind of regretting it. New fuel pump, cleaned out the fuel line, battery. Appears the police garage took very good care of it while they had it. Except they didn't tighten the drain plug once and had to replace the motor 20 0r 30,000 miles before it was parked. Starts and purrs. $1600 because anyone reading this will be wondering.
Ya'll should get a standup routine on You Tube

 

[carlm]

watched this and its just painful i couldnt do that as a job

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90mspuZJVxE&feature=player_embedded&list=FLqwqYTh2o1psTzTD3GiYPUg

 

[Sam_Fear]

I had a car show trophy taken away from me today.

Local radio DJ's have a car show every year to go with a big motor cycle rally. First time I have been able to go. One DJ came up and told me my car was their DJ pick for this show. Later, he found me and mumbled through telling me they were gonna give it to another car. When I told him I wasn't to worried about trophies, you could see his immense relief - it's one of those shows that most guys are all about the awards.

He went on to tell me who was getting the award instead - 82 year old vet with a restored war jeep, trailer, equipment, and a good deal of story. Pretty cool.

 

[earthman]

Politics. So you chose not to throw yourself down on the ground kicking and screaming? Was there monetary compensation then? Seriously, we know who the winner was.
Another sterling representation of RRR Sam.

 

[CheeseEater]

I agree. I am not interested in awards. I embrace the rat iife.

 

[Bonehead]

I like to take home a trophy, but if I don't that is okay too. Getting some recognition from the shiny car builders is a pretty neat thing. And Sam, maybe you should have unscrewed the top, and said, "I'll just keep this part, it would make a great hood orniment".

 

[Sam_Fear]

Politics. So you chose not to throw yourself down on the ground kicking and screaming?

Politics? - it might have been. The car club putting on the show might have said no to a rat winning a main prize.

Throwing a fit - that's clearly what he was afraid my reaction might be. I just laughed and said I appreciated that he liked my car at all.

And Sam, maybe you should have unscrewed the top, and said, "I'll just keep this part, it would make a great hood orniment".

Actually, the DJ was making fun of the top - it was a mid 80's Corvette. They coulda got something not brand-specific and besides that he owns a Mustang, so he likes to mess with the Camaro and Corvette guys.

 

[bkvail]

watched this and its just painful i couldnt do that as a job

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90mspuZJVxE&feature=player_embedded&list=FLqwqYTh2o1psTzTD3GiYPUg

oh, that video brought tears to my eyes!

 

[earthman]

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby."