Endless BS thread

[maverickmk]

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park." Then the electricity went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"

 

[maverickmk]

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

 

[hotrod preacher]

Jesus was a biker and rode a Triumph.

"Jesus triumphed over them by the cross."
"Jesus triumphed over sin and death."

.

GOOD ONE!
I always heard Jesus was a chevy man.... (everywhere he went he walked)

 

[Whyworry]

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

Now that's funny [cl[cl

 

[maverickmk]

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”

"Uh, no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

"No!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited.

She said, "Check the garage.”

 

[CR55]

[cl[cl[cl[cl[cl good one!!

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

Blue collar and blue blood. Who comes up with this crap and what's the difference?

.

 

[sgtpontiac]

HUH?????

Blue collar and blue blood. Who comes up with this crap and what's the difference?

.

Did I miss something Doc?? Or is this a rhetorical question??

 

[Sam_Fear]

Blue collar and blue blood. Who comes up with this crap and what's the difference?

.

Blue collar refers to the shirt color the common working man wore back in the day, as compared to white collar being the color of shirt office workers wore.

Blue blood refers to royalty and came from when aristocrats were pale from never being in the sun along with some kind of metal poisoning from their makeup or something that literally gave the skin a bluish tint.

Or did I miss the point?

 

[sgtpontiac]

well I understood all that.....but thanks....

What I didn't understand is why Doc threw that out there......[S..splain it to me lucy??

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

Or did I miss the point?

...splain it to me lucy??

Just something I find contradictory and strange. (I'm happy to be of the collar variety, however.)

.

 

[sneakysnake]

What I didn't understand is why Doc threw that out there......[S..splain it to me lucy??

He thought he was typing on Google search.LOL

 

[jfg455]

Dr. C'
I feel more like I do today than I did yesterday. Will I live??

Jack

 

[Sam_Fear]

Dr. C'
I feel more like I do today than I did yesterday. Will I live??

Jack

So you feel like yourself more than you usually do?

 

[Dr Crankenstein]

Dr. C'
I feel more like I do today than I did yesterday. Will I live??

Jack

We hope so...

So you feel like yourself more than you usually do?

''I don't feel like myself today." Really? Who do you feel like? [S

Wife: "Give me a few minutes, I need to change."
Me: "Take your time... and change into somebody I like."

.

 

[earthman]

HE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A newfie goes into the doctor's office in Ontario and says that his body hurts wherever he touches it.




"Impossible!", says the doctor. "Show me."


The newfie took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed, then he pushed his elbow and screamed even more.

He pushed his knee and screamed and then pushed his ankle and screamed. Everywhere he touched made him scream.




The doctor said, "You're not from Alberta, are you?




"No", he replied, "I'm actually from Newfoundland."




"I thought so", said the doctor. "Your finger is broken."

 

[billy]

You may be cool, but you'll never be "Playin' Duelin' Banjos in a firefight cool"!!

 

[jfg455]

You may be cool, but you'll never be "Playin' Duelin' Banjos in a firefight cool"!!

I've been in some hot situations when I was in the USMC but I never turned my hat backwards and shot my machine gun in my shower shoes![cl

 

[billy]

I've been in some hot situations when I was in the USMC but I never turned my hat backwards and shot my machine gun in my shower shoes![cl

i think it was CASUAL FRIDAY

 

[smallfoot]

That ol Arab Clapton, he be cool anywhere...