maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
That someone now owns it [cl
Endless BS thread
- Thread starter Bonehead
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earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said.. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values .' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President - It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said.. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values .' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President - It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
ScaryVoodooGirl
Well-known member
Not sure if any of you are interested or not...but I've got a blog started documenting tattoo travels and stories etc etc... check it out if you feel so inclined ->
http://tattoohangover.wordpress.com
http://tattoohangover.wordpress.com
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
E-man that is hilarious - especially since my wife is a math teacher 
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
I was feeling a little put out this Saturday nite coming back from the cruise in because i felt the attention i was getting on the streets was a little less than normal. Then two cops in a squad car two lanes over give me a thumbs up and yell "cool car bro!". Now i'm happy.
He will get the Nobel Peace Prize for something he might do and not follow through. Just like last time.........[S
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner. Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names in abbreviation would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
HEY, Don't blame me, I just pass em along.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names in abbreviation would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
HEY, Don't blame me, I just pass em along.
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during past Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Volleyball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Volleyball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
New sign on the front door:
DUE TO THE PRICE INCREASE ON AMMUNITION....
DO NOT EXPECT A WARNING SHOT.
Thank you for understanding.
DUE TO THE PRICE INCREASE ON AMMUNITION....
DO NOT EXPECT A WARNING SHOT.
Thank you for understanding.
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
When I got home yesterday, there was a note on the refrigerator saying: "This is not working! I am going back to stay with my mother!"
Well, I opened the fridge door, the light came on, and the beer was cold.
What was she talking about? [S
Well, I opened the fridge door, the light came on, and the beer was cold.
What was she talking about? [S
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Chinese sign for sale on ebay.Engrish may need help.
................................
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YBeNormal
Well-known member
Has anyone ever noticed how elusive a tape measure is. It is a fact that no matter how many you have when you need one it is no where to be seen!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Television is very educating for me. Everytime someone turns on the TV, I go into my room and read a book.
Any man who say's he can see through women is missing a lot.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Television is very educating for me. Everytime someone turns on the TV, I go into my room and read a book.
Any man who say's he can see through women is missing a lot.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
On May 5th a group of Harley bikers were riding south on I-275 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Sunshine Skyway so they stopped.
The Harley leader, George, a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the Florida State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that, and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.
After she's finished, George gets applause and approval from his group, the onlookers. Even from the State Trooper.
Then he says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!
The Harley leader, George, a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the Florida State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that, and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.
After she's finished, George gets applause and approval from his group, the onlookers. Even from the State Trooper.
Then he says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!
sgtpontiac
Older, Wiser and Still Buildin'
Man....Mav where do you get all of these ????
Most of the ones you post I've never heard....should be doing stand up...[cl
Most of the ones you post I've never heard....should be doing stand up...[cl
maverickmk
Rebel Rodder
During my physical examination today, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon I took a five hour walk—about four miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes, eyes, and hair. I avoided standing on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few leaks behind some big trees.
At the end of it I drank eight beers.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one heck of an outdoors man!"
"Nope," I replied. "I'm just a lousy golfer."
I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon I took a five hour walk—about four miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes, eyes, and hair. I avoided standing on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few leaks behind some big trees.
At the end of it I drank eight beers.”
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one heck of an outdoors man!"
"Nope," I replied. "I'm just a lousy golfer."
earthman
Fascinated by rolling objects!
Saw a kid walking with his pants around his knees, his hat on backwards and many tatoos.
I thought "kid i hope for your sake you don't see two or three people set themselves on fire".
I thought "kid i hope for your sake you don't see two or three people set themselves on fire".
I'm not sure how many people I've told at work to 'shoot me in the leg, just graze me if you can' if they decide to bring a gun to work. Million dollar wound I figure. So far no takers... I have mixed feelings about that.
It just means you are a mediocre achiever at work. Not cool enough to have real friends that would shoot you and split the cash and not mean enough to have someone take you up on the offer just for the oppertunity to shoot you
