Endless BS thread

[maverickmk]

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,

"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

 

[Sam_Fear]

THat one probably a true story.

 

[Torch]

 

[earthman]

Guy in the bowling alley tonight walked over and asked if that old car outside was mine. He said he looked around and figured i was most likely the owner... WHAT?... So now i'm looking like someone who would be driving a scruffy dilapidated old rat?

 

[Sam_Fear]

No, you always looked like that.

 

[bob w]

A high compliment indeed!!!

 

[Dirtyrat]

Guy in the bowling alley tonight walked over and asked if that old car outside was mine. He said he looked around and figured i was most likely the owner... WHAT?... So now i'm looking like someone who would be driving a scruffy dilapidated old rat?

[cl[cl[cl

Thats great!!!

 

[maverickmk]

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'

The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'

The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.

They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch When he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.

The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Darn it. Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

 

[maverickmk]

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas ,Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?"

Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do."

The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?"

Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her".

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

 

[jfg455]

here's some BS right here!

So I went to get my truck inspected (yearly up here) and now that I am not "in the business" I had to go to a shop near my house. No worries the owner and I have been friends for a while. But it did need 2 upper ball joints, some lights and move the license plate out from behind the plow frame. No biggie right? 3 days to get the ball joints in (88 K3500 chevy seems they were 2 year only part), strip one side apart, find the new ones are wrong, call parts store, confirm wrong parts, new ones have to be special order 5-7 days out + shipping. Had to put the old unit back in because the truck was outside in front of my shop door. WTH![S

 

[maverickmk]

That's the kind of stuff that makes me absolutely crazy. If I can I try to take the part with me, but something like a ball joint, you shouldn't have to take it with you to make sure you get the right one

 

[ScaryVoodooGirl]

you know you travel alot/too much when TSA agents at 5 major airports recognize you and some of them even call you by name....

 

[fuzz]

you know you travel alot/too much when TSA agents at 5 major airports recognize you and some of them even call you by name....

Yeah..and don't even have to look you in the face to recognize you.

 

[Sam_Fear]

I'm guessing that tats are memorable?

 

[ScaryVoodooGirl]

I'm guessing that tats are memorable?

I actually try to keep my tattoos covered as much as possible when travelling. With the exception of the ones on my neck and hands (mainly because I think wearing a scarf and mittens would be a tad suspicious haha) But I spend a good chunk of time in airports. Usually stop in ORD (O'Hare) for East Coast trips and YVR (Vancouver) for West Coast. Aslo PHX and LAX there's a few that know me...and of course, my home town YYC (Calgary) haha.

I also make it a point to go through customs/security as early as they allow for my flight, as I ALWAYS, get "randomly" selected for either a bag search or a pat down.

I've got it pretty well streamlined though. Slip on flats or flip flops, no belt, only money I carry is bills, make sure my tunnels in my ears are either wooden or stone, hair done nicely, tattoo gear either in checked luggage or mailed to the destination in advance. Collared shirts have plastic buttons (I have some old shirts with the metal ones still) and answer everything politely as possible. Unfortunately, most people when they see heavily tattooed people such as myself figure we are criminals and drop outs...I do my best to be well mannered and well spoken. I have a BA with history as a major, I just chose to follow my love of tattooing.

 

[ratrodney]

Yea i get looked at like a bum or trash sometimes when im a city worker and a christian. I just love ink.lol
lets see some tats. RR

 

[ScaryVoodooGirl]

Yea i get looked at like a bum or trash sometimes when im a city worker and a christian. I just love ink.lol
lets see some tats. RR

go to the "anyone got ink" thread here in the BS lounge or my introduction thread up at the top of the forum. The BS is work on me, and the Intro is work I've done recently.

 

[earthman]

I like old signs but not this much. It's not even old. It is a $20 repop.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/22108196256...AX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1438.l2649#ht_500wt_1052

 

[Bonehead]

I like old signs but not this much. It's not even old. It is a $20 repop.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/22108196256...AX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1438.l2649#ht_500wt_1052

It says, "suckers" right on the sign too.

 

[Dirtyrat]

someone actually bid on that POS! idiot!