Endless BS thread

[maverickmk]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

 

[maverickmk]

MY FIRST DRINK WITH MY SON

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Stroh’s, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a few of those. He didn't.

By the time I decided he just didn't like to drink, I could hardly push the stroller back home.

 

[earthman]

romz49 wrote:
"I find it not too bad! Good going nutty send us pictures of you two thirds off the simian to goth '!"

(reply) That is well said!
......................................................
HUH! This is after translation from french to english on the French board.

 

[earthman]

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Daddy" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley ...YOU RIDE IT!!"

 

[23crate]

A nasty and mean looking truckie
Came into a Truck Stop Cafe
And placed his order.
He said,
'I want three flat tires,
A pair of headlights
And a pair of running boards..'
The brand new blonde waitress,
Not wanting to appear stupid,
Went to the kitchen and said to the cook,
'This guy out there just ordered
Three flat tires, a pair of headlights
And a pair of running boards......
What does he think this place is
An auto parts store?'
'No,''
The cook said.
'Three flat tires mean
Three pancakes;
A pair of headlights
Is two eggs sunny side up;
And a pair of running boards....
Are 2 slices of crisp bacon!'
'Oh... OK!'
Said the blonde.
She thought about it for a moment
And then spooned up a bowl of bake beans
And gave it to the customer.
The truckie asked,
'What are the beans for, Blondie?'

She replied,
'I thought while you were waiting for
The flat tires, headlights and running boards,
You might as well fill up on gas!

 

[Yankee Transplant]

ok ,, Im sorry but this is kinda long .... I heard a song on the radio back in the mid 80s ,, not thinking i would never hear it again I dint pay a lot of attention to it .. Like who sung or talked it and the name of it ... It was like a Red Sovine type of song ,, I have often looked threw song lyrics with no luck . I asked an older radio DJ about it and he said never heard it but you should write a song about it ,,,da !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its already out there !!! well it goes (something) like this ..
A girl was walking down the street one night, a boy drove up beside her asked if she would go to the sock-hop with him .. well she agreed , and after the dance he walked her home and it was getting cool out so he gave her his school jacket to ware.. .. as he walked her to her porch and said good night, and walked away he remembered his jacket , as he turned to go back the light turned off , so he figured this would be a reason to come back the next morning to see her . well he come back and knocked on the door and a woman or a man aswered ,, so he said is lisa there ? ,, or who ever the girls name was .. the man said this is a terrible trick you are playing and the boy explained he dropped this girl off last night and she still had his jacket .. The man said again this is a terrible game your playing my daughter died a year ago today and she is buried in that cemetery right down the street . the boy walked off in disbelief . as he walked toward the cemetery , he saw his jacket hanging on that girls head stone ....... Thats all I can remember .. Its not just like this I may have filled in some spots but its close to the song ,,,
Do you think any music goorooos out there could find this song ??I dont know how to look this stuff up without titles or what ever ..

 

[Snake Farm]

.........
Do you think any music goorooos out there could find this song ??I dont know how to look this stuff up without titles or what ever ..

Don't consider myself a "Guru".........just a music lover

Dickey Lee "Laurie" (Strange Things Happen)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0N4nyYS5aA

 

[Yankee Transplant]

snake farm I have asked a lot of people over the years and no body could find it and you did in about 3 min... I thank you for this I found some close to it , but not it ,,, Oh , and I think I have a big imagination on adding in of the story , but Over the years I guess thats how I thought I heard it ... I never even heard of this fella , so I know I couldnt have found it ...Thanks a lot

 

[Snake Farm]

snake farm I have asked a lot of people over the years and no body could find it and you did in about 3 min... I thank you for this I found some close to it , but not it ,,, Oh , and I think I have a big imagination on adding in of the story , but Over the years I guess thats how I thought I heard it ... I never even heard of this fella , so I know I couldnt have found it ...Thanks a lot

My pleasure man!

 

[CR55]

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight

 

[Sam_Fear]

Now that's HAULIN' ASS!!!

 

[Snake Farm]

Now that's HAULIN' ASS!!!

I'd say! [cl[cl[cl

 

[Sam_Fear]

I'm not sure if I'm proud to be an Iowan or not?

 

[Sam_Fear]

Well.... this makes me feel better. Iowa isn't really the worst at anything, we're just old.

 

[Bonehead]

It says Colorado is worst at cocaine use. I guess we will have to work on that.

 

[earthman]

Idaho has the "weakest gov't influence" ? That is hardly something to be ashamed of.

 

[Sam_Fear]

 

[Sam_Fear]

 

[CR55]

And you thought you were having a bad day!

[cl I've seen some crazy things on Construction sites!

 

[kenny c]

[cl I've seen some crazy things on Construction sites!

aren't those 2 of the three stooges?